← Areas I work with

Social anxiety

Anxiety might build for days before a meeting or a get-together. In the moment, it can be hard to listen when part of you is busy watching yourself. Afterwards, you might go over what you said again and again.

There can be a pull in two directions: wanting to be close to people, and finding the anxiety gets in the way. Over time, that can leave you feeling lonely, or outside the groups you'd like to be part of.

Social anxiety is a name for that experience: feeling anxious around people and worried about how you come across. It can grow from different places, and it looks different for each person.

Where it can come from

Earlier experiences can shape what we expect from other people. Being teased or left out early on can lead us to expect it now, even around people who are kind.

Being autistic or having ADHD can make social situations tiring or confusing. After years of being misunderstood, or working hard to fit in, socialising can start to feel risky.

Worries about how you look can make a room feel like a stage.

These are just some of the places it can start.

What keeps it going

Wherever it started, social anxiety can become a loop, where each part reinforces the others and, in the end, how anxious we feel around people. The good news is that, because it's a loop, it can be broken at any point. Here are some of the ways it can show up before, during and after a social situation:

1. Avoiding an upcoming social situation we fear can bring immediate relief, so we're more likely to avoid the next one too.

2. When we do go, we might do things that make us feel safer, like staying quiet, rehearsing what to say, or drinking more alcohol than we would just for enjoyment. This can leave us feeling we need these habits to be safe, and less able to trust ourselves.

3. Our attention can turn inward, to how we look and sound, so we miss how people respond and find it harder to join in or just be present.

4. Afterwards, we might replay the moments that felt bad over and over, and be hard on ourselves about them.

  1. Avoiding an upcoming social situation we fear can bring immediate relief, so we're more likely to avoid the next one too.
  2. When we do go, we might do things that make us feel safer, like staying quiet, rehearsing what to say, or drinking more alcohol than we would just for enjoyment. This can leave us feeling we need these habits to be safe, and less able to trust ourselves.
  3. Our attention can turn inward, to how we look and sound, so we miss how people respond and find it harder to join in or just be present.
  4. Afterwards, we might replay the moments that felt bad over and over, and be hard on ourselves about them.

How Sarsha works with it

Sarsha works with what sits underneath the fear and with what keeps it going. Some of the work looks back, at beliefs about yourself that formed early and whether they still fit. Some of it looks forward: noticing the habits that keep the fear in place, and trying things differently in small steps you choose.

Therapy can also be about connecting with your authentic social needs. You might feel pressure to be out every weekend, but find that one good catch-up a week is what feels right.

This therapy is set in line with your goals and at your pace.